I’m a reasonably intelligent guy, but sometimes my ideas don’t quite pan out the way I intended. For the majority of the idea-enacting last night it was working splendidly, but in the end I was shown why sometimes good ideas are not great ideas.
It’s dark; it’s bedtime, actually, which puts it around 11:00pm. The dog needs to be taken out one final time. After initially trying to get out of it (I always do this) and failing (I always do this too), I decided to make it interesting. My kids have these electric scooters (Razor E100s
Well, when I say comfortably, I mean it will move. Downhill. With me pushing. Ok, look, maybe there’s something to the weight rating, but whatever…
So there I am on the overloaded scooter. I have one of those retractable dog leashes
We get to the end of the driveway and the dog is ready for #1. I slowly come to a stop, let her do her business, and then figure the night is nice, let’s try for #2. I start up the scooter and for some reason she infers that I want her to go faster. So she does. After a few hundred yards (seriously), I decide to just let her get it out of her system and run around the block. This is a journey that will take us approximately 1.4 miles. It’s a big loop.
So there we are in the dark of night, a grown man riding an overloaded kids scooter while holding a leash connected to a dog sprinting for all she’s got; probably trying to get away from said crazy man on the scooter, which by now has a motor screaming as loud as it can for me to get off.
It’s about half way around when she starts to tire and I start to catch up to her. We were going downhill at the time, and I wasn’t having to push as much, and I begin to realize that for every downhill there must be an uphill if I’m to arrive at the same altitude at which this journey began.
Oops.
It’s far too late now to turn around, so we continue. All is well and the journey is coming to an end. I am one house away from my own and can see our driveway. We’re on a downhill ride so I’m actually going pretty fast. Did I mention that I’m not wearing a helmet nor pads of any sort, and am wearing sandals? Yep…that’s why I’m only a reasonably intelligent guy…
Enter the frog.
I see the frog from a distance since the roads are fairly well lit and the roads are clear of any debris. He’s about 3-4 feet from the edge of the road and I adjust my course to miss him. The dog approaches first, since she has the leash at full extension, and for some reason decides that this frog – this one frog above all others we’ve seen this trip – this one is the one she wants to sniff. She slowed down to conduct said sniffing but was immediately alarmed by my approach (downhill, remember?) and snapped back on track. This is where the story takes a bad turn.
Apparently when she darted back away from me she caught a scent or saw a cat or maybe was just freaked out her mind by the scooter-dude who has been chasing her for the past 1.3 miles. At any rate she lurched away at full speed and when she got to the end of the leash, the force jerked my hand off the handlebar setting in motion a chain of events that ended with me lying on the ground on my back, the leash dragging behind the dog, the dog hovering over me with a “Uhmm…did I do that?” look, the scooter on its side in the road, my right sandal thrown from my foot, and probably the frog laughing at me 20 feet away. My hip hurt, my hand hurt, my foot hurt, and my shoulder hurt. Basically the entire right side of my body hurt.
I half expected my wife’s cackling to pierce the night as she laughed at her husband sprawled out on the asphalt, but was thankfully spared the embarrassment. Swallowing my pride I managed to make it home, albeit a bit shakily.
I think I’ll try just walking tonight…
