Pitcher Perfect Sweet Tea

See what I did there with that title? Well it worked, right? Got you here, anyway…

If you’ve never tasted the wonderful nectar of the gods that is sweet tea, then boy, do I have a treat for you. I’m going to teach you how to make the best sweet tea you’ve never had, and you will love it. For those of you who have had sweet tea, I’m not selling you an idea you don’t already know is a winner. However, before we get down to the process (after all, the recipe is fairly common), let’s first discuss the basics.

Sweet tea is a simple concept. You just take sugar and tea and serve it cold. Not hot, COLD. It’s been around (that we know of) since the 19th century and was originally made with green tea. Apparently during WWII, green tea was switched out for black tea and it has remained thus ever since. In the south, you can find sweet tea at every single restaurant at which you dine.

Literally. Every. Single. One.

In fact, I remember as a boy going on vacation and being absolutely shocked that the restaurants in other states didn’t serve sweet tea. And you fellow Southerners know exactly what the waitress would say every time, don’t you? The conversation always goes something like this:

Them: What would you like to drink?
Me: Sweet tea (note the lack of inclusion of the prefix ‘iced’, a completely superfluous adjective)
Them: Well, it’s unsweet (pretty sure this is a blasphemous word), but there’s sugar packets on the table.
Me: [sigh…] I’ll have a Coke.
(and this if it’s really not your day, they say…)
Them: We don’t have Coke – we only serve Pepsi products.

And at that point you just leave the restaurant. Or go with Mountain Dew. But if there’s no Dew, then that’s definitely strike three, and it’s time to go to a real restaurant.

Aside from shoddy restaurants (and yes, I know this encompasses a large majority of US restaurants, but thank God for Chick-fil-A), you’ll also come across so-called ‘sweet tea’ in a bottle or can. This stuff is not sweet tea. The FDA, USDA, FBI, CIA, NSA, and a whole host of other acronyms should seize their factories for false advertising. It sucks, it has always sucked, and it will always suck. Real sweet tea has a shelf life of a couple days, three at the most. After that it starts to taste…well, old is the only word for it. Of course, if you stick to my process, you’ll never have tea go bad, and you’ll be making a gallon a day to satisfy your family!

Now, some caveats. First you have to have patience. My process takes time, and that time is critical. Second, you will undoubtedly have to adjust a little to account for water differences. We’ve moved twice in the last few years and each time I had to make minor timing adjustments in order to get it just right. Finally, since you’ll be drinking it and not me, I’ll begrudgingly accept the fact that you may want to add certain flavors to your tea. I personally can’t stand lemon, raspberry, or any other flavor in my tea, but to each his own (weirdos). So with that you’re on your own as far as quantities.

Ok – the first thing you need to acquire is a tea maker. Now, technically this step is optional, but it’s certainly the easiest brewing method and they’re so cheap it’s basically a no-brainer. This is the one I use:

It’s a 3-quart maker, which is plenty big enough to make a gallon. It’s also easy enough to make a 2-quart amount for when your mother-in-law comes in to town and requires decaffeinated tea so she’s not up all night reading her Kindle.

Decaffeinated. Another blasphemous word.

If you choose to go the not-as-easy-but-still-stupid-simple method, you can simply brew the tea on your stove/cooktop. Google it.

If you’re using the tea maker, though, clean it before you use it. Once you have the maker set up and washed, simply fill up the pitcher about half way. Pour this water into the main basin of the tea maker, making sure to watch the level of the water so that it doesn’t get too full. If it does, it will leak out the back and you’ll be cleaning it up. There are lines on the pitcher indicating 2 quart, 3 quart, etc. but I just eyeball it until it’s full. It will still run it all through the tea, so there’s no harm, plus it’s allowing more water to pass through the tea enhancing the flavor and strength (you want it strong).

Next place one teabag per quart into the cup. This ratio is for the final volume of the pitcher, not the amount you just put into the basin, so if you’re making a gallon, you’d use 4. (If you happened to be using the smaller size bags, then you’ll want 16)

Drop the cup into the top of the basin, swivel out the drip thing, and close the lid.

Make sure to turn the dial all the way to the strongest setting, which will reduce the drip as small as it can be, thus lengthening the amount of time the hot water sits with the tea bags.

Press the button to turn it on and then go do something else productive. In a matter of seconds, you tea will be brewing and filling your nostrils with a wonderful aroma of fresh tea. It will brew for only a few minutes. Now isn’t that better than the tea-on-the-stove method? Ok, now here’s the critical step. You may be tempted to hurry the process but your tea is not ready yet.

Leave it alone.

Seriously. For like, a long time. Hours even. I’ve even accidentally left mine out overnight, made it in the morning, and it still tasted perfect. I’d say anywhere from 2 to 10 hours is fine. I do this for two main reasons. One is to allow as much liquid as possible to drain out of the cup into the pitcher, and the other is to allow the tea to just sit there and become wonderful – i.e. steep. What you’re making here is basically tea concentrate. It’s super strong as it is, but you will dilute it with water to make up your full gallon later.

Ok, now that you’ve waited a couple hours or so, you’re ready to pour the brewed tea into your gallon pitcher and then mix in the sugar. While it’s true that sugar will dissolve more readily inside a hot liquid rather than a cold one (which is precisely why putting sugar into unsweet tea at a restaurant is a non-starter for me), you can do it in room temperature water with a little rigorous stirring. The amount of sugar you use is going to be up to you. I personally use around 1 1/3 cups or maybe a little less (I’m trying to ween myself down to a cup) for a gallon. This weening is a tough process, and I’m on a 12 step system. I’m still on step 2 or 3…wait, what year is it?

In all seriousness, I used to use 2 cups (!) per gallon, but worked my way down to 1 1/2 a few years ago, and then 1 1/3 last year. Hey – shut up. That’s progress…

As I mentioned before, because I always add in the sugar to room temperature tea, I solve the dissolving problem with rigorous stirring. As I stir, I have the pitcher under a faucet slowing adding water. If you fill it too fast, you will generate a lot of bubbles that will get in the way. Just fill it slowly, and stir it briskly. Make sure to stir vertically too, making circles that go up and down rather than just around the pitcher. This brings up sugar that has settled and speeds up the dissolving process.

Once the sugar is dissolved (you won’t feel any crunchiness when grinding your spoon in the bottom) and water has been added to make a full gallon, you’re done with the physical part!

But you can’t drink it yet. Now you have to refrigerate it. Overnight. Maybe have a Coke in the meantime?

You may be saying to yourself, “That’s ridiculous. I can drink it right now. I just add ice and it’s good to go.” And you are right – you can technically do that, but you are also wrong because it will definitely not be good. I have a friend and former co-worker that was born and raised in Turkey. I introduced her to sweet tea and she immediately fell in love with it. She later left the company, so I showed her how to make it but I neglected to tell her about the wait time. She made a few pitchers and then the next time we spoke she said she had made tea but it never tasted as good as mine. She complained that it tasted ‘weak’. I immediately knew the problem – she had tried to drink it too soon.

I don’t know the science behind it. I just know that if you freshly make tea and try to drink it over ice right away it will taste weak. If you, on the other hand, wait overnight as it finishes it’s process in the fridge, you will be able to enjoy it in the morning and throughout the day. Just make sure to start another pitcher the next day so it will be ready the following day, when you’re all out! Note that the tea maker even states in the instructions (and has fill-lines on the pitcher itself) that you can brew the tea directly into a pitcher of ice and enjoy immediately. Sorry – it doesn’t work, and will not taste as good as it could.

Some final words: some people will suggest using a bit of baking soda to take out the bitterness, but I haven’t found that to be the case. We never added it to any tea we made growing up, and I have never noticed a difference when I have tried it. Some might also notice some cloudiness in the tea, or even a thin film-like layer on the top. If you do, don’t be alarmed. It doesn’t affect the taste. We never had that before we moved into our new house, but because this tap water is a bit harder than water we’ve had in the past, it tends to cause that.

So there you have it. How to make a pitcher full of ‘pitcher perfect’ sweet tea. Give this southern beverage a try, and you will enjoy every drop. Oh – and i wanted to reemphasize one thing – make sure to drink it fast. It won’t last long – probably 3 days at most. Afterwards it will start to taste old – you’ll know it when you taste it. Of course, once you taste it, you’ll find the bigger problem is keeping enough made so that you don’t run out!